Well (before I became a Christian (born again, as in the bible) I was a very religious person, I didn’t think so at the time but looking back I can see I was. I believed in what the bible said, I believed in what it said about heaven and hell, life and death, sin and the love of God ( well in my head anyway). And I was raised in a home and brought up going to a church that believed in all these things.
I knew I needed to be saved by Jesus blood if I was to get to heaven and I wanted to go to heaven (who wouldn’t!) I did not want to go to hell as the bible said it was an eternity of awfulness.
When I was about 16 I had an experience of wanting to read the bible and being a bit more interested in it than I was before, so I concluded that I must have become a Christian. Now I could relax, if I died I had my ticket to heaven!
I now know that I hadn’t been saved, and was still on a dangerous road to hell. I wanted heaven but didn’t want God, I wanted what he could give me, but didn’t want or care about following him. On the surface I looked ok, like a good church going Christian. And fooled more people than just myself. What a dangerous place to be, like walking on the edge of a crumbling cliff.
I was a Sunday school teacher, and a youth leader, I thought I could earn my salvation by doing a few things I thought would please God. But there was no internal change in my heart, I was selfish, bitter, I had a wrong view of God and really didn’t want him interfering in my life unless it was to give me what I asked for. I lived for myself and am ashamed of a lot of things I did.
I lived like that for 20 Years. About 7 years ago (2010) God did something supernatural, miraculous, and impossible, he changed my heart, he opened my eyes to see what he was like, and to see what I was really like. I felt as though I had been blind and now I could see this whole new world , a God I had never seen before even though I knew about him, suddenly I knew Him. I saw my sinful heart in a way I had never seen it before and in the light of Gods holiness I was ashamed, yet also thrilled as I saw how Jesus had died in my place so I would never be punished for my sinfulness.
I began to see that without Jesus nothing was worth it. I wanted to be with Jesus so if he was in heaven, I wanted to be there with him. I want him with me while I live on this earth, I never want to be without him, He is wonderful and I love him. I long to worship him as he deserves, and not half heartedly as I most often do now.
I am a Sinner and will always be one while I am on this earth, I can only repent and ask for Gods forgiveness and I know he will give it because of His son Jesus. I have nothing to give God, He doesn’t need anything, I cant earn anything from Him, His salvation is a gift.
As I look back I am scared to see how much danger I was in, believing I was right with God when my heart was far from him, I fear for some of my friends who are lovely religious people (nicer people than me) yet don’t seem to have changed hearts or to love Jesus. I ask anyone who reads this to question your own hearts, make sure Jesus is precious to you, if he’s not, its likely that your soul is not safe. Life is short, we need to be sure.